Choices

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go to a college like Yale, Princeton, or Harvard. I bet those schools are amazing. However, I'm so undedicated to school that I only maintain a "B" average at a state school. I'm not sure if I'm trained well enough to survive Yale college standards. I was never even worried that I might not get into Southern. I kind of miss the excitement that foretells whether or not all of my hard work for four years has paid off and waiting patiently for my acceptance letter in the mail. I remember when I get my letter from Southern. Granted, I was happy, but I wasn't liberated like the eager high school students on movies or sitcoms. I was just like, "Oh, that's cool."

On top of which, I had my mind set on attending Southern when I was in the ninth grade. I never even considered looking at other colleges. I didn't even apply to other colleges. I just had that gut feeling that Southern was place I was going. It was going to be amazing, and I was going to love the freedom that entailed.

Sometimes I wish I had tried harder in high school. Frankly, the only reason I went was because of the crushes that I had. I probably wouldn't have went so much if Laura wasn't there maintaining her perfect attendance award. The only classes that I was really good in were art and english. Art... obviously. English, because of my competitive standards with my friends who were also in those classes with me. Also, I really enjoyed English. If I had been like Michelle, studying all of the time and really applying myself, I might have had a small chance to get into one of those allusive colleges.

However, when faced this gnawing feeling of failure, I remember a sermon that I once heard. Although, it applies to God, I believe that also contributes to this particular thought. Paraphrasingly:

I remember as a child I was sitting in church listening to my pastor always talk about doing the right thing. Taking the right road. Never straying from God. He consistently spoke of the road to righteousness and a faithful person has to follow the right road and be good to stay on that road. However, I couldn't help but think, "Is there only one road to righteousness? If we take another road does that necessarily mean that we won't end up on the right one to God? Because isn't God everywhere... and everything?"

So with that mind, although I feel a bit lost and unconfident in certain academic decisions that I have made, perhaps I will end up in the same place no matter where I go to college or if I don't make straight A's. I do feel confident that I will find my road. Whether I follow the right one the whole way or try six other roads that will end up there. Not only do I believe that last statement in the sermon reflects God, I think it reflects the secret of life too.

You can find some happiness everywhere and in everything. You just have to look hard enough.

It's a black & white world.

*sigh* It's official. My FC Twin console will NOT play my SNES games in color. I figured, "Hey, it's break. I have time." Then I took the entire system apart. Screws... everywhere. I messed with its internal mechanisms for two hours. It's not the A/V cords either. I was afraid to poke around too much seeing as how I didn't know what the hell I'm doing. It's like those informal pretenses when a car stops working. You pop the hood and look at the engine. It doesn't matter if you know doodle about cars. It's all about the pretense. I'm glad my Ps2 doesn't have this problem. I wouldn't have the nerve to open it up though. I need Matt's technological skills. I wish he was here sometimes.

I'm not sure he could fix it though. I think the problem derived from the manufactorers. I was actually considering buying Zelda: the Missing Link too for it in the near future. What an awesome game. I guess I could just suck it up and play in black and white, but I'm spoiled. I need technicolor. Plus the game itself is hard to play when everything is in off shades of gray. It's hard to see enemies in Mario, Zelda would be extremely difficult under those circumstances.

On a different note, I'm totally digging the band Four Star Mary. They have such an awesome alternative sound. They remind me of Something Corporate mixed with Trapt. Maybe one day I'll get their album Thrown to the Wolves.

Man, I'm sleepy. I'm out.

Experimetrix Love

So I have decided that Experimetrix extra credit is going to be my savior this semester. With any luck it will keep me from having to take my Statistics class again. I feel like my grades have taken a beating this semester.

However, on something completely non-school related, I'm going with Heather to get a tattoo on her back this week. She wants to get a dusty pink rose right on her spine. I told her that Amanda said that getting a tat. right on your spine area is painful, but that's where she wants it. In any case, I'm sure a rose tattoo will look good on her.

Midnight did the cutest thing yesterday. She jumped on the kitchen table and started stretching her claws on mom's straw placemats. She was all, "Mew Mew... Ahhh Mew" and Mom was all, "Dear God NOOOOOOO!" It was a good moment.

I am DETERMINED to continue my reading. I haven't read for enjoyment in forever. Every second of my spare time has been spent obsessing over my grades, extra credit, reading required material, and a lot more unfun stuff. I still want to finish "The Bell Jar". I've lost a little interest in "True Colours" by Karen Surtees and Nann Dunne. The writing style just isn't as good as "Madam President". I'm spoiled by Blayne Cooper and T. Novan. Now everything I read is kind of rubbish. I'm trying though. The book really isn't that bad. It combines some of my favorite things in a star-crossed romance story. There's the character that's trying to overcome impossible odds and the other one who's trying to find herself. Also, the plot includes a ranch. I don't know why, but I love reading about ranches and horse-riding.

That's kind of strange now that I think about it because I don't think I have ever been to a ranch and my only recollection of riding a horse was when I was like six. It might have been a pony. I certainly see the beauty of owning a lot of land and having a ranch though. That's probably one of the reasons why I watch "Desert Hearts" so much. I don't really relate to the characters, but there's something about the setting and plot that I find absolutely beautiful.

I want to visit and stay at a ranch some day. I should make a plan to visit the ole West in the future.

Break

I'm finally on Thanksgiving Break... officially and muchly grateful. I need a break from the caos of school.

Anyway a close friend of mine from high school got married yesterday. She looked beautiful in her gown and looked incredibly happy. I never thought she would get married so young. I can't believe that I have reached the age where my friends are the ones getting married and not my parent's friends.I've been feeling really depressed lately. I wish Nanny would get better soon. I'm worried about the results from her surgery. If she has to undergo chemotherapy, I'm not sure how much longer she's going to live. She's really not very old, but cancer seems to suck the life out of people no matter their age. One day, I hope to help end cancer. I know I could never be smart enough to discover the right cure, but if I become truly successful, that's where my money donations are going towards.

Finding a Cure for Cancer.

That will be a number on my life list of things to do.

New Diary

T'was the night before Thanksgiving Break and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring... not even a Tripp

Ahem. Anyway, here is my new online diary to express my thoughts and feelings because I find it healthier to write out my frustrations and anxieties than keeping them all inside and accidentally tongue lash one of my friends for no reason at all. Also, I miss writing in TOD. That was a fun online diary. I hope this one will be as well.